Monday, January 17, 2011

Christmas Letter 2007

Greetings Friends & Family—God rest ye merry!
They say, ‘When happiness shows up, give it a comfortable seat.’ So we’ve filled our living room with throw pillows, rockers, and bean bag chairs. We are very grateful for the happiness that has found us this year.
As parents stumbling along, we’d like to express our gratitude for our parents for making it all possible. We are attempting to conduct ourselves in an honorable manner as well. My wife, Mishelle, certainly is the good parent. Now that the kids are all in school it frees my wife up to spend more time…at school.
She’s a class helper at Isen’s preschool and at the grade school and at the dance school. She continues to immerse herself in the lives of our children—and they are fortunate for it. This summer she was bulking up at the local Fitness Club. A trying time for me—all she wanted to do is arm wrestle…”Come on!...What, are ya chicken?” Or having to try and convince my friends that all those free weights lying around our house were mine. And what could be more humbling than trying to lift something and having your wife say, “Here, let me help you with that…” When she’s not pumping iron she finds time for canning and, of late, candy-making—Grandma Hanna’s Glass Candy, Divinity, and Knox Dainties.


 Arianna (10) continues to be a champion for animals. Her dream is to be a veterinarian. She has her father’s love and knack for organized sports. An avid reader and writer. I wish I could showcase some of her work here, but spatial considerations and ego limit what I can…oh wait, here she is now— “Hi everyone! I’d just like to say how great my Dad is….” Well, thank you Arianna for that unsolicited bit of writing. She loves school— history, technology, music, and plays the piano. She is becoming quite a little lady. Thankfully she’s begun to narrow her field of activities—dropping cheer, tumbling, Brownies, and focusing much of her time to dance— Ballet, Acro, Company, Trio, Stardust, Tap, MSAF(it might be easier to list off what she’s not taking…) She’s also started sitting for us. Hooah! The sitters we’ve had in the past have all either moved with no forwarding address, or are in some protection program. 
Shaelin (8) has her Uncle Craig’s love and knack for sports. Soccer, basketball, softball, and TaeKwon-Do. She’s dabbled in the dance arts—jazz & ballet which, as you can imagine, has helped immeasurably with the martial arts. Shaelin’s a very sweet person and still believes (in spite of her father’s indoctrinations) that life is fair (or at least should be). I recently read an article about if we get our feelings hurt, not letting that or other anger fester inside us and create a ‘hidden wedge’ within us that will eventually split us asunder. That’s not exactly the advice Grandma used to give me. She said to take that anger and hurt and put it in a little box inside my heart. And when that box started to feel full and I didn’t think it could take any more, to just keep cramming it in there…Tick, tick, tick…. So maybe there was something to this article. Anyway, I asked our kids if they knew what a wedge was. (Is your forehead beginning to sweat too?) Dear Shaelin began describing something she’d witnessed at school which sounded quite unwelcome and uncomfortable. So much for a teaching moment.
For quite some time, Shaelin has been inquiring as to Jesus’ ETA. She’s quite serious about it—so much so that she’s considering asking Santa to ask Jesus to return to the earth. How do you respond to that? “Sweety, I know Santa has a lot of clout, but I seem to remember the scriptures hinting that Christ will return in a like manner to the way he left—and I don’t remember Him leaving in a sleigh.” On the other hand, faith can move mountains, and if faith doesn’t do it then my daughter’s dogged questioning just might, so if there’s anything you haven’t squared away yet or something you’ve been putting off—I’m just sayin’…Christmas could be a bit more eventful this year than usual—just a little notification/disclaimer here. 
Speaking of disclaimers, Isen’s grandparents gave him a pair of Heelys for his birthday. These are those shoes with the wheels hidden in the bottom and you see kids effortlessly gliding through the isles of stores while the rest of us stare and start to loose our balance. Anyway, there’s a sticker on the bottom of the shoe that states: ‘By removing this sticker, you forfeit your right to sue the Heeley Corp.’—Nice. Just to be clear, Mishelle’s parents constitute the responsible party proffering said item. My involvement is limited through some arcane marriage vow. Just to be safe, Mishelle ran the shoe with the sticker through her laminator*, so technically the sticker hasn’t been removed.  In other Isen (5) news, he loves school (finally), and at home continues honing his riding skills—bikes, scooters, cats, and now litigious footwear. His social shyness continues to fade as he readily ventures forth, out from within arms reach of his mother. Bonus: he now willingly stays with a sitter—did I mention Arianna sits for us now? Hooah! These are glorious times. * For other laminating feats, see Christmas Letter 2002.
Frodo lives! (Frodo is our dog.) Pookey (our cat), unfortunately, does not. Old age or perhaps the incessant arrivals of more children, a dog, hamsters, guinea pig, and fish, cleverly protected, just out of reach, behind 5/8” thick glass, was all too much for her. So my mom helped us pick out a new kitten. But why get one, when you can get two for twice the cost? And why buy domestic when you can ‘rescue’ feral? So our kittens— Sadie and Bagheera—having been raised in the jungles of the pacific northwest, quickly grew into small horse-like creatures galloping through the house after one another.
Our zoological paradise was recently disturbed when one of the feline-equines came up missing for a few days—not a good sign. Bagheera had always managed to escape from his collar in a matter of seconds (and yes, we even tried staples), so even if he was found, he would be unreturnable. We were sad. His third day gone, my wife was leaving our neighborhood to go pick up Isen after school and pulled up behind someone who had just hit a cat. My wife got out and saw all the distinct markings of our cat—it was Bagheera. No signs of life. My wife was distraught, the man in the other car was distraught. She wrapped him (the cat) in a blanket and put him in the back. She then called me. “Should I drop him at the vet on my way to the school?” (Of course, I’m thinking $$$ for “Yep, he’s dead.”) “Well, is he dead?” I ask. “I think so…” the reply. (“I think so?!”—here’s my concern—my wife and son are driving along and our mangled cat pops up in the back and begins clawing its way over the seats toward my shrieking family and my SUV ends up parked in someone’s living room.) “I think it would best for the vet to take a look,” I say. $$$. Diagnosis: Dead. $$$ Autopsy — Cause of Death: massive trauma—‘most likely’ due to impact from car. Uh…thanks Doc…you saved the CSI unit a trip. $$$ Disposal fee. $$$—not having to remodel someone’s living room: priceless. So it was a very traumatic day for all. Later that afternoon, Mishelle is sitting at home, staring out the window, sorting out the day, when, what to her watering eyes should appear, but Bagheera, sitting on the porch, nary a scratch on him. Now, does my sweet wife run out and scoop him up in her loving arms? Noooo…we all saw Pet Sematary. She’s dialing me on one phone, 911 on the other, whilst rummaging through the closet for the shotgun. In the end, it was a Bagheera look-alike that got run over, some poor man will go to his grave thinking he killed the hysterical woman’s cat, and, as it turns out, 911 doesn’t respond to undead pet situations. 

For those of you who were expecting more than just this letter, we’ve gone green this year and in lieu of gifts, you can take some consolation, nay pride, in the fact that a number of carbon credits have been purchased in your name, freeing up our betters to jet around the world chastising us about wasting energy and do it with a clear conscience. Oh, we live in interesting times, don’t we?—Men of cunning device and many flattering words seeking to destroy the foundation of liberty which God has granted unto them. They would do well to remember that this land is ‘choice above all other lands’ and this struggle for liberty and freedom is one of the greatest battles of our time. I’d like to share with you some comfort and solace I’ve found from good books: “Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
 “You also shall hear of wars, and rumors of wars; see that ye be not troubled, for all I have told you must come to pass; but the end is not yet.”
 "Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him." I understand it’s on us to actually open the door; it is also on us to turn down the volume of all the racket in our lives so we might hear His inquiry, but sometimes I wish He might knock a little harder…or use the doorbell…or, in our case, maybe a door ram. We’d like to join with Old Navy in wishing everyone a pleasant ‘Holiday Morning’ while you’re all circled around your Holiday Trees. And for you normal people—a hearty Merry Christmas!
The Padburys (north) — Burke, Mishelle, Arianna, Shaelin, Isen & other assorted wildlife

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Christmas Letter 2010

December 2010
Deerfoot Lane
Bethany Community
Portland
Oregon
United States of America
Earth
 

Merry Christmas to all. We hope this greeting finds you well. If you’re receiving this letter, it is because we sent it to you. If you no longer wish to receive such correspondence, then please change your address. If you have no idea who we are, then read on:

We are the Padburys. More specifically, the Washington County Padburys-North. Here we are doing a little “Urban Camping.” This is a compromise we reached, because half the family has allergies and the other half doesn’t like to be away from the internet for any length of time. (That and the fact that we’d kill each other cooped up in anything less roomy than a circus big top.) You see the Shaelin/Isen Principle comes into play. Similar in outcome to matter/antimatter reactions, such confinement would surely tear a hole in the fabric of space (or at least in our tent.) So this is as close as we get to “The Wild.” We burn dunnage I bring home from work, start the fire with gasoline, Char-B-Q critters—the whole nine yards. Yeah, we’re the Bethany Hillbillies.


Our kids love snow. Every other year we trek over to Butte, Montana to spend Christmas with my mom. We always look forward to a white Christmas. Here are the kids sledding the hill below St. James Hospital. If you study the photo closely, you may notice that snowfall was disappointing last year. But grass sledding beats overcast and drizzling any day.









At some point, when we weren’t looking, our daughter Arianna (13) became this young woman seen here:






Just to clarify, these are all recent photos of the same chameleonic person. Her life routine consists of the School-Dance-Texting- Sleep endless loop. She chose to attend the Health & Science magnet school and is doing very well. They do lots of healthy and sciency stuff there. She continues to study every form of dance known to man (except for the one in which I’m proficient.) “Line-Dancing is coming back, Sweetie – you just wait.” In her off time she creeps around the woods playing army, shooting people with an Airsoft rifle (full disclosure—she lets me go with her). I fail to understand though, how at home she can be screaming for help cause she saw a spider the size of the period at the end of this sentence, but after she dons her “Deuce Gear” and heads into the woods she’s yelling at us “Ground Pounders” to check our ammo and fall in. We then proceed to crawl through dirt and ditches teeming with beetles, centipedes, and HUGE spiders—not that I’M scared or anything—I’m just sayin’. But sometimes we have to leave early though, so she can make it to her ballet pointe class. Fun facts: She averages 9000 texts/month and 5 hours of sleep/night.





(11) Shaelin’s current interests (as of the writing of this letter— in the time it takes to email this, those may have changed) include: reading, soccer, basketball, reading, performing arts (Hip Hop, Jazz, and Glee), recreational math, and reading. She (temporarily) shelved Lacrosse, Softball, Taekwondo and Ballet. Recently, she started indoor soccer. It’s played in what looks like a hockey rink, but with astroturf. It’s much faster paced than typical Oregon outdoor-rainy-windy- muddy-freezing cold-“What are we doing here?”-soccer and we are thinking that we might even like watching the indoor games BETTER. And of course, watching my wife pound on the glass while screaming at the ref is priceless.
Shaelin already knows far more about sports than her father, but then my talents in most sports are limited to purchasing the equipment. Her school teacher is really into sports. He has been showing them how to apply the math they’re learning to calculate sports statistics. She can tell you the odds of a team winning its next game and something about a spread. In class they’re having “contests” “predicting” outcomes of upcoming games…there are prizes involved…hmmm….







While we don’t share similar talent in sports betting, what Shaelin and Burke do share is hearing loss in the same frequencies. Our audiograms are nearly identical and the audiologists are quite intrigued. Originally, they told me mine was Noise Induced Hearing Loss (NIHL), but unless Shaelin is picking up some night work at a local construction site (unlikely), the doctors are now suspecting a genetic element. As an interesting aside, my uncle’s cousin is married to my brother-in-law’s father, who happens to be an audiologist—I’ll let you work the math, but the hillbilly angle should be becoming clearer. Anyway, he checked my hearing the other day. So, according to this EXPERT, and CONTRARY to my wife’s opinion, there has been no significant degradation in hearing ability over the last 3 years. (Listening ability, though, is a different matter entirely.)





(8) Isen’s Sports Action includes soccer, baseball, basketball, and hockey. He’d like to add in Lacrosse as well. In the world of dance, he tapped for a while, but has narrowed his focus to Hip Hop and Break Dancing—the Classics. As you can see from the various pictures, Isen has some sort of a hair disorder. Its color and shape change randomly.








He enjoys all manner of wheeled modes of transportation. Skateboards, Razors, bikes, dirt bikes, scooters, etc. and is becoming proficient with all of them. One day at the skate park, I thought I might show him some of my skills on this skateboard/scooter hybrid thing he has. (Those of you who know me well have already deduced how this story ends.) “Dad, it’s a little different than a normal...” “Yeah, yeah, whatever…I’m going to get my line down, and then I want you to film my second run.” Well, there wouldn’t be a second run for me that day and I should have had him film the first run. Might have made us $10k on that home movie show. I’m sure we’ve all had such moments—the confusion in thinking, “Why am I upside down…and airborne? And where’s the skateboard?” My ribs found the skateboard. Fortunately, because of inclement weather, there weren’t any witnesses or other skaters I was blocking by lying there in the middle of the park in a puddle of rain. Isen was soon hounding me, “Get up Dad! Why won’t you get up? You always tell me to get up.”  “This is different!” I wheezed. Isen spent the next 20 minutes seeing how close he could skate to me without actually hitting me. But lying on concrete in the pouring rain gives a man time focus and contemplate things: “How long does it take for my kidney to bleed out?...I wonder if they can get Life Flight in here with all these trees?” The doctor and the x-rays tell me I’m not 18 anymore. They might be right.


Mishelle (29) has become quite the scheduling ninja. Somehow she manages to get all 3 of our kids to all their activities even when they have identical start times. Either her vehicle is able to warp space-time to allow her to accomplish this amazing feat, or she’s just really good at time management. I’d need a DeLorean. She volunteers her time at our kids’ schools and their other events. In her spare time she continues her employ at a nearby pre-school and in her spare-spare time can be found putting together marketing materials for a consultant group.
Burke (106)—umm, builds stuff.
Recently, Mishelle had mentioned some COMPLETELY AGE-UNRELATED hip and back pains. I know what you’re thinking—exactly what I thought—these subtle hints screamed Inversion Table! So I got her this “gift”, which as it turns out, ranked right up there with the Clothes Iron (stainless steel…auto-steam…SWIVEL CORD!) or the Bathroom Scale (it was DIGITAL)—some of my previous “gifts.” So, who out there is happy they’re not married to me? All right, all right, quiet down. Apparently, I should have factored into my purchasing decision the vertigo she experiences (usually while I’m driving) and from there extrapolated that getting her a mechanical apparatus in which she needs to hang upside-down like Batman might not be the best for her (“blood shooting out of my eyes” was some of the noted feedback), regardless of the spine straightening and joint pressure relief it might offer. Anyway, it’s available: $50 OBO.


Our dog Frodo passed away a few months ago. He got sick and was gone within 24 hours. It is very sad for us. He really was part of the family and is sorely missed.

Actually, it’s been a tough year for pets around here. Our two cats “Lucky” and “9 Lives” were eaten by the local wildlife.

Coyotes are a protected species out here in CrazyTown. A human needs to be, not merely injured, but “seriously injured” to engender action by the authorities. I’m having trouble imagining a scenario in which I’m in the process of being mauled by a coyote where I’d be saying to myself, “This isn’t so serious.” Fortunately, years of watching Lion King with Elton John crooning about the “Circle of Life” helped our kids cope with the loss. Say what you want, but between TV and the Internet, parenting has become almost effortless.

Our stingray “Steve” passed on as well. He had taken to wandering about on our floor outside the aquarium. There he’d be, calmly staring at you. We’d be staring back, thinking, “You gotta plan here, Steve?” It became a fairly routine “rescue operation.” Isen would holler, “Get the spatula!” and Mishelle would casually flip him back into the tank like a hotcake.  One day, all the spatulas were in the washer…tried to use a waffle iron… unsatisfactory results.

To sum up—we are well. We hope you are too. We are looking forward to the new year and we wish you all the best.

The Padburys